There's no way of really describing these feelings because it's hard to understand if you haven't lived here. Living here, you develop a sort of love/hate relationship with the city. There have been times where I've gotten so angry and annoyed and wanted to get the hell out but most of the time, I really and truly love it. The city gets into you, there really is no other place like it and that's one of the things that makes it so hard to leave. I can't move to another city in the country that is even going to compare to New York.
Tourists come here and they get a small taste of the city but they don't really get to ever see all the amazing things about living here day in and day out, like the crazy energy you feel on the streets when a warm day breaks through after 4 months of cold and everyone is out and about, restaurants have put tables outside and your radiator has finally stopped banging. Or going out at night and bar hopping from one bar to the next, every bar being completely different that the one before it. Or running downstairs to the corner bodega for something you ran out of while making dinner. Or just being able to walk everywhere, the freedom of not needing a car to get from point A to point B. The way the park looks in October when the leaves change or the way it looks in April when all the tulips start popping up. Grabbing Pink Berry or a falafel at 2 am and walking home while eating it. Or coming across the coolest shops when you are walking in SoHo or the Village.
New York has a lot of meaning for me. Moving here was the first big decision Mike and I made in our relationship. It is the first place we ever lived together, it's the place where our relationship went from being just "boyfriend and girlfriend" to being engaged. It's the place where Peewee had his $6000 surgery. It's the place where I had the idea to make soap. It's the one place where I always feel creative and inspired.
There have been a lot of tears over this decision, but I know that right now it is what's best for us. I am going to have a really hard time saying good bye to the city, but it will always be in my heart.
