Well it's Wednesday afternoon, almost 2:00, and I'm sitting in my sweats with Peewee in my lap, drinking tea and writing this blog post. Why, do you ask? Because on Friday, I was laid off from my job. It seems to be a blessing in disguise, now I have a chance to focus on Kopah and the wedding, and a million other things that were on my to-do list. It seems to be a blessing, but it's still been difficult to get through.
My mom says it's like a death, you go through the full range of emotions, and it's true. I've been angry, sad, anxious. I've cried more than I thought I would. When you're let go from a job it's a different experience then when you leave by your own accord. You don't have that freeing feeling that comes with giving your notice and walking out the door on your last day, knowing you never have to worry about expense reports or databases. Instead, you're left carrying all your stuff home in a box and wondering what the hell just happened.
It's everything I expected and then, it's nothing I expected. The days go by much quicker now. I am waking up and getting started at the same time every morning, but before I know it, it's lunch time and then Mike is walking through the front door. It's lonely, and quiet but in a nice way. I miss the girls in my office and being able to talk about last night's episode of The City (do we trust Jay or is he totally playing Whitney for a fool?!) but the quiet is nice and now I can get things done without interruptions. I also thought I'd have a lot more time to do the things I want to do but I find that I'm so busy with errands and random things that come up that I hardly get to do anything for me. In any case, it's an adjustment that will take some getting used to.
I'm trying to take the whole thing in stride because honestly, this is what I've always wanted. To work for myself, be my own boss, make my own hours and now I can. Only now, I have to make it work...there's no job to fall back on, no security blanket of any kind. It's just the motivation I've been looking for...